One of the most uncomfortable conversations I've ever had

I teach two speaking classes, and as part of their speaking practice, my students give five mminute presentations on any topic of their choice. The purpose is to get them comfortable speaking English, but also to help them learn some teaching skills to make them better teachers. So far my students have presented on their favorite cities, tango dancing, countries they've been to...one guy even tried to give a presentation on Women's History in five minutes...that was interesting.

Today one of my students wanted to present on "the gay." I was terrified, to be quite honest. Homosexuality is a very, very, very touchy topic here, and most people really shun homosexuals and homosexuality, especially gay men. Anyway, this student had a friend who found out that her friend of five years was gay. So my student was going to call her friend during her presentation and ask her what her friend knew about gay people as a result of this revelation. She would then relay this information to the class as her friend spoke on her cell phone. Or maybe her friend was going to come to the class...it was hard to make out the scenario in her broken English. I listened carefully, trying to hide my mounting horror at her presentation.

"I don't think you should call your friend," I said carefully. "This is your presentation. Your chance to practice your English. And what exactly will your presentation be about?"

"About the gay and how they become homosezuals!" she said, very excited. (That x sound is really tough for them.)

I wasn't sure what to do about it, but I asked my department head during break. He said that as long as it was general, why not? I decided to give it a go.

The hardest part about the presentation (besides the conversation afterward) was keeping my mouth shut. The presentation started off my by student asking people to raise their hands if they'd met someone who was gay (can you imagine?). It was hard to not get in an impassioned argument with my student when she pronounced that 26% of American males are gay...but that there are also MANY latent homosexuals (imagine explaining THAT one to your speaking class), so that number is probably higher. I told them that the numbers were WAY off, and that in fact ALL men in the U.S. were gay, which was why I came to Turkey. The laughter was much needed by all of us.

She also stated that there are 7 million homosezuals out there--because someone's doing a census, I'm sure--and that most homosezuals are men, not women. But the kicker was discovering how people become homosezual: by violence in the household, by not having a father figure (because remember, they're mostly all male), or because they preferred it, because most people prefer being part of a social group that has less rights and experiences such intense social hatred that they can't live openly. Hey, I'd choose that any day.

I couldn't resist. I had to comment back. I had to talk about research, and being careful where you get your facts from. I had to say that there isn't conclusive evidence about why people are gay, and that we should be careful about stating these things as facts. I had to correct some of her information, which she wasn't totally thrilled about, and to be honest, neither was I.

Then I backed off and let the students speak. For a while they just stared at me, terrified. Then finally some students explained that it's very hard for them to talk about this issue because if you defend gay people, people will gossip about you and call you gay. Parents will tell their gay children they have an illness if they're lucky, or disown them if they're not. Lesbians are much more acceptable, apparently, whereas gay men are completely unacceptable. Some of my students thought these beliefs were appropriate, others did not.

It's so hard to know what to do during these discussions. I remember how I said during my training that when I had these conversations, I would just listen and facilitate. Partly because anything I say will be spread all over campus and could really damage my reputation, and partly because I don't want them to just listen to me. I want them to feel heard. I want to help them think critically. And mostly, that's what I did. I let the students disagree with each other, and with me. I asked questions and asked for their thoughts. I told them that they went to university in order to expand their minds and develop their own thoughts and ideas. I told them I wasn't going to give my opinion because I wanted them to develop their own.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.